Saturday, September 21, 2019

Here it goes..

It’s been two years since I’ve updated this space, with reason. For the longest time, I believed that I was generating content when in reality this was just my venting ground. If you read through my previous posts, you’d understand what I mean. A bajillion podcasts, a multiple confrontations in my professional life (a mere two year stint, if I may mention) and consistent introspection has led me to only one question- am I adding value to this space?

This question has been able to ground me and at the same time, put things into perspective. It has been able to help me filter out things, thoughts and people successfully.

Oftentimes, I retreat into my zone to analyze the path that I’m trying to carve out for myself and whether my approach is working for me or not. The reality is, I’m constantly learning and due to this my approach is constantly changing. Every time I sit to talk to someone a few years older than me, all I am told is, learn as much as you can in the first leg of your life- it’ll help you in the second leg of your life.

I’m reminded of the rich father in the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad. The rich father advises the protagonist to focus on consistent horizontal growth instead of vertical growth, especially in the beginning of his career. Vertical growth may give him a position and more money (for a while) but horizontal growth would be his biggest teacher.

I’m also reminded of Palmer Luckey (The founder of Oculus) who was ready to pick up an unpaid internship despite living in a trailer just so he could work on his prototype with his idol. I sit to wonder if this’ll ever become the norm.

My best friend has been working her butt off to build her business. She had been extremely stressed out because their entire plan has changed at least thrice in the past one year. “The third plan is completely opposite of the second plan,'' she exclaimed. I sit to draw parallels between what she said and my entire life as I try to swallow the tiny piece of plastic stuck in my throat, out of nervousness (it broke away from my fork and I ate it with a bite of my waffles and now my throat hurts).

Are you still with me? My plan has changed a myriad of times, mostly out of fear. I had this innate desire to work in content but eventually, wussed out because I figured that it wasn’t going to make me money. Hence, I decided to go with marketing. Writing has been my side bitch ever since- I resort to it for emotional comfort, mental peace and stability, occasionally. Obviously, I couldn’t commit because I’m scared as fuck.

Self-awareness and SWOT analysis make me question my decision but PTSD due to the Sharmaji Ka Beta Syndrome that the Indian society (barring our own parents) is plagued with, makes me stop.

(I’m working on it and maybe one day I’ll move to the hills, open a winery and a farm and write a damn book.)

The problem is, we’ve been conditioned to believe that performing well academically equates to performing well in life (that’s where the PTSD due to the SKB Syndrome stems from). If you don’t (and if you’re an Indian woman), there’s this baseless perception that you get married. Hear (literally) me say this in bold and italic, this flawed approach is nullified the moment you step into real life and get a real job. I say this because:

1. I was academically mediocre, yet I (like to think that) have a real job with no real intentions of getting married

2. I don’t use the Pythagoras theorem whilst working out the variance between two data sets

3. If and when I do apply for an MBA my work experience, growth, GMAT score (FFS) and how I’ve been a value add to my environment will take precedence over my academic performance

4. I’m not even certain if I want this job or an MBA right now but what I’m certain about is that this is uncertainty is perfectly alright

Also, the perception that marriage kills career/is a career for some women, is still very much prevalent. Let’s keep in mind that marriage has nothing to do with career. It is a matter of choice and a rather personal one at that. I know women who’re happy being homemakers and I know women who hustle all day while their babies rest in the day care center on the ground floor of my office building. So, give it a rest. 

I’ve been rambling on for roughly 800 words now and this has been more of a conversation than a write up. I think I should sign off. However, In *some* way, I do hope I’ve been a value add this time- adios!

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