Summing up my 2019

I am definitely not the only person on this planet to feel that 2019 has been a taxing year, filled with growing pains that, in hindsight, I am grateful for. Here are my takeaways from this year:

1. Happiness is my ultimate goal and I am responsible for it.
   
2. If I want it, I can create it- it’s as simple as that.
   
3. I don’t learn from achieving a goal, I learn from the process involved in achieving that goal i.e. it’s the process that matters
   
4. I am a self-aware and confident individual. I am well aware of my strengths and I am mindful of my weaknesses. My weaknesses are a reminder that I am not perfect. And that I am a perpetual work in progress.
   Self-awareness makes me realize that neither am I better than anyone, nor is anyone better than me.
   
5. I am committed to learning and building my mind. My curiosity is my strength.
   
6. I know what I want and I am consistently working towards it. However, at the same time, I give into the uncertainty as it is a part of life. When I give into the uncertainty, I give in because I understand that my future/the sum of my present, is out of my control. That said, what I have is the present moment. This brings me back to point number 4. I should focus on the process (which is in the present) and not on the result (which is in the future and which is out of my control).
   
7. Procrastination is my worst enemy even though I find myself here quite often. Consistency is my best friend. What I am consistent with will grow, what I am not consistent with, in simple words, will stagnate.
   
8. Picking up a spiritual practice was the best thing that I did in 2019. First and foremost, it made me value myself. In addition to this, it gave me perspective, it gave me understanding and it gave me self-awareness. It made me realize that my external environment is a reflection of my internal environment. I will attract whatever and however I feel and am on the inside. This thought pushed me to commit myself to become better, if not the best, personally and professionally.
   
9. I realized that eternal friendships are built on mutual effort. Those who reciprocate should be cherished. Those who don’t reciprocate should be politely kept out of my life. I devote my time to those who value it and vice versa.
   
10. Last but not the least, patience is key, patience is a virtue. I understood that everything takes its own sweet time and impatience will not make its entrance into my life quicker. “The process, Aishwarya! Focus”.

I will keep adding to this, until the year ends. What were your takeaways from 2019? I'd love to know. Let's talk!

Here it goes..

It’s been two years since I’ve updated this space, with reason. For the longest time, I believed that I was generating content when in reality this was just my venting ground. If you read through my previous posts, you’d understand what I mean. A bajillion podcasts, a multiple confrontations in my professional life (a mere two year stint, if I may mention) and consistent introspection has led me to only one question- am I adding value to this space?

This question has been able to ground me and at the same time, put things into perspective. It has been able to help me filter out things, thoughts and people successfully.

Oftentimes, I retreat into my zone to analyze the path that I’m trying to carve out for myself and whether my approach is working for me or not. The reality is, I’m constantly learning and due to this my approach is constantly changing. Every time I sit to talk to someone a few years older than me, all I am told is, learn as much as you can in the first leg of your life- it’ll help you in the second leg of your life.

I’m reminded of the rich father in the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad. The rich father advises the protagonist to focus on consistent horizontal growth instead of vertical growth, especially in the beginning of his career. Vertical growth may give him a position and more money (for a while) but horizontal growth would be his biggest teacher.

I’m also reminded of Palmer Luckey (The founder of Oculus) who was ready to pick up an unpaid internship despite living in a trailer just so he could work on his prototype with his idol. I sit to wonder if this’ll ever become the norm.

My best friend has been working her butt off to build her business. She had been extremely stressed out because their entire plan has changed at least thrice in the past one year. “The third plan is completely opposite of the second plan,'' she exclaimed. I sit to draw parallels between what she said and my entire life as I try to swallow the tiny piece of plastic stuck in my throat, out of nervousness (it broke away from my fork and I ate it with a bite of my waffles and now my throat hurts).

Are you still with me? My plan has changed a myriad of times, mostly out of fear. I had this innate desire to work in content but eventually, wussed out because I figured that it wasn’t going to make me money. Hence, I decided to go with marketing. Writing has been my side bitch ever since- I resort to it for emotional comfort, mental peace and stability, occasionally. Obviously, I couldn’t commit because I’m scared as fuck.

Self-awareness and SWOT analysis make me question my decision but PTSD due to the Sharmaji Ka Beta Syndrome that the Indian society (barring our own parents) is plagued with, makes me stop.

(I’m working on it and maybe one day I’ll move to the hills, open a winery and a farm and write a damn book.)

The problem is, we’ve been conditioned to believe that performing well academically equates to performing well in life (that’s where the PTSD due to the SKB Syndrome stems from). If you don’t (and if you’re an Indian woman), there’s this baseless perception that you get married. Hear (literally) me say this in bold and italic, this flawed approach is nullified the moment you step into real life and get a real job. I say this because:

1. I was academically mediocre, yet I (like to think that) have a real job with no real intentions of getting married

2. I don’t use the Pythagoras theorem whilst working out the variance between two data sets

3. If and when I do apply for an MBA my work experience, growth, GMAT score (FFS) and how I’ve been a value add to my environment will take precedence over my academic performance

4. I’m not even certain if I want this job or an MBA right now but what I’m certain about is that this is uncertainty is perfectly alright

Also, the perception that marriage kills career/is a career for some women, is still very much prevalent. Let’s keep in mind that marriage has nothing to do with career. It is a matter of choice and a rather personal one at that. I know women who’re happy being homemakers and I know women who hustle all day while their babies rest in the day care center on the ground floor of my office building. So, give it a rest. 

I’ve been rambling on for roughly 800 words now and this has been more of a conversation than a write up. I think I should sign off. However, In *some* way, I do hope I’ve been a value add this time- adios!

Uncluttered- Faces

A cluttered mind cannot produce quality thoughts. Isn't it? That's probably why I haven't updated this space in the longest time. Do you want a life update, though? I am going to keep the monotonous details (including a failed attempt at creating something new on the internet) to myself and give you the meat.

In December 2016, my brother and I took a ten day long trip to the hills. I clicked a few decent pictures up there so I thought I'd post them here. Constructive criticism is definitely welcome.

I haven't written in eons so it is going to take me some time to get back into the groove. There is a slight change in the format, though- I won't be blogging about fashion anymore. If you're still following this blog, thank you! Lots of good vibes and love coming your way. :)